dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
