How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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