Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
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