I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
