I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize