Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize