I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
