My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
