Jerry, you need to find god
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
