My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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