If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
