so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
