idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
