Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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