I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
