I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
