Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
