highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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