I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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