Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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