how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
