Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
