she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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