Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
