So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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