I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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