I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
