I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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