no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
