i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
