can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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