So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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