Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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