She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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