I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hippo gnu deer
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
