I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
