I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
