just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
