I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
