I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
