The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
