So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
