so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
