If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
