Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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