I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
