we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
