Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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