Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
