to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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