That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
