Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
