hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
