i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
