just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
