you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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