is your mom at the bar?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
