playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
