You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
