Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
