Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize