i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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