your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
