Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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