I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
