I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
