We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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